(Based on the e-mails I receive from sisters asking for an advise)
There are many articles and books written about importance of marriage in Islam, duties of a wife and husband and etc. I am sure most of you read those not once and I won't be repeating the same ahadith in this post.
I would like to share a very different hadith which is usually not quoted when talking about this subject.
After the Battle of Uhud, the Muslims returned to Madinah and were tasked with the unfortunate difficulty of having to tell those who stayed behind, namely the women and children, about the loved ones they lost.
One such person was the Prophet's (sallalahu aleihi wa sallam) cousin, Hamna bint Jahsh. Her mother and the Prophet's (sallalahu aleihi wa sallam) father were siblings. Hamna (may Allah have mercy on her) had it tough.
She was first told she lost her brother. Hamna responded with duaa and patience.
She was then told she lost her uncle, and also responded with duaa and patience.
After a little while, someone came to inform her that she also lost her husband, Mus'ab bin Umayr. Upon hearing this news, she screamed and began weeping.
When the Prophet saw her situation, he said something truly remarkable. “A husband has a very special place in the heart of his wife. Marriage is a very profound and strong experience... a wife loves her husband very much, more than even he may realise.”
When the quarrels and hardships of the day take over our lives, we usually forget that indeed Allah has placed an immense love between a husband and wife. It is indeed a miraculous gift how two far and unrelated people became so close and caring of each other.
So anytime you are upset with your spouse or a married life, just remember this gift that Allah has granted you. Do not follow the anger and Shaytan whispers, but rather remember that it is a blessing to be next to your husband and have him in this world.
I receive many of mails where sisters would share their stories of dealing with a tough, not religious, not following his duties husband and they would seek an advise of how to change him. I would always reply that only ALLAH can change hearts. Instead try to change yourself (there is always a room for improvement), be the best example yourself and never forget your salah and making Dua for the best in this Dunya and Akhira. As you know, my parents are not muslims (yet) and many times I would loose hope completely that they would ever embrace Islam... but then one simple Dua - and their hearts get more soft with each time. Thus focus on yourself and your relations with Allah, perfect these relations and yourself and in sha Allah, our Lord will take care of the rest! When your husband realizes that you are being humble and trying to avoid conflicts he will do the same and will have a big impression about you.
Do not compare your life to others especially those couples who are all over social media writing their love letters to each other in the comments over the Instagram photo. As they say the best sign of healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook / Istangram / Snapchat (insert the necessary).
We are all different and especially our men are different and surely second to none :-) Your husband may not be publicly writing poems to you on FB but instead he would be patient with you and this is how he shows his love. Or he would always make dua for your place in Jannah with him and none but Allah knows about it.
We are all different and Allah has blessed each of us with our spouses in a unique way. Be grateful for the blessings you are given and thank your Lord every day and in sha Allah you will be increased!
And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; (Chapter (14) sūrat ib'rāhīm (Abraham). Sahih International)
Rasulullah [Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam] said: "The woman who reads her five prayers, fasts in the month of Ramadhan, protects her chastity and is obedient to her I husband; such a woman will enter into Jannah from any of the doors she wishes to enter from’’
If you look at this list, it seems easy and difficult at the same time. We all do fast, pray and guide our chastity but how can we be obedient to our husbands at all times because most of the times they are simply not right? Well, noone said the Jannah is easy. Being obedient to your husband means a happy family. Happy family means happy children. The family is the nucleus of civilization and the basic social unit of society. Having happy and healthy families will make our ummah strong! And all this huge task is starting from an obedient woman sunhanallah! Indeed the only fair reward for this duty may be Jannah in sha Allah. How Just our Creator is!
So let these above 4 points be your secrets to a happier and righteous life.
Once you start living a life like that you see the change in your husband and yourself which would definitely make your love story like that which are read in books bidihnillah.